good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
