I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Be still, my beating vagina.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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