your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
the condom got lost in my hair
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
