I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
this will be a night to untag.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
