Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
