you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
