My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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