Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
