Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
