Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
