If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
