im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
my liver is dry heaving
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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