Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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