she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize