Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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