the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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