I think i peed on brittanys purse
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
