Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
