you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
