if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
