i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
