I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
