apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Welp...herpes.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
