I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
