mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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