I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize