I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Randomize
