I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
