I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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