dude i'm inner monologue high
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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