1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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