Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
