my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
