apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
