thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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