the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
