i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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