I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
