I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
