Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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