but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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