you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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