Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
