Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
