she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
