I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
