So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
