Screwed.edu
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
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