the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
