It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
