I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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