Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
