Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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