i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I don't deserve a penis
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
