when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
