4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
