dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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