I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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