I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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