Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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