My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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