So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize