Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
