does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
