just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
