So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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