Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Randomize
