I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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