I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
