5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
