im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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