Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
