Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You can't special order awesome
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize