I want to stick my p in your. b.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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