he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
