The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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