Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize