I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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