foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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