I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
